That's a sobering analysis. Love your take on it. I honestly don't understand how people are so judgmental of others, or don't see the kindness all around them. I think they just don't know where to look, or maybe their lives don't have a lot of threads. Being the parent of three busy kids, and one with a disability, has helped push me into lots of spaces I wouldn't ordinarily go, I guess. I see kindness everywhere, every day. The hotel cook who welcomes the homeless vet into the dining area and fixes his coffee every morning. The suit-fitter at Men's Warehouse who was so patient with my son and gave him agency to speak for himself. The women in our community who are always ready to cook meals for those who are sick or hurting. Teens who volunteer their time to help kids with disabilities. Everywhere, Everything All at Once. Just look harder.
Vicki, what lovely real-world examples you gave. You seem to be very much out in the world, allowing a large enough group of humans to basically come through for you and your kids (and others). To Lauren's observation below, I think a lot of people, and I suspect especially a lot of younger adults, are relatively limited in their exposure to other IRL humans. I say that as someone who spends many hours a day working alone at home, on a screen. But the more I get out to interact with the world, the more positive I feel. It's as blunt and simple as that.
I totally agree with you Victoria. Getting out in the real world, especially volunteering to help others, you see kindness everywhere. But on social media, the opposite is true.
Lauren, yes. Volunteering is a superdrug for the soul, I think. Not that I'm an expert. As someone who didn't grow up with any real exposure to volunteering and came to it later in life, I now understand why people who have experience volunteering actively seek it out. As much as it helps others to volunteer, it is also hugely helpful to the person volunteering. The more you do it, the more you want to do it.
I almost jumped in after you mentioned Canada then I realised you were Joshing. The problem with kindness, older women have found in recent years, is that people start taking liberties. In light of which I suggest supplementing kindness with gratitude for the ordinary riches many of us have. Formerly, for many years, a cynical grumbler I have seen the light.
Winifred, thanks for understanding about my Canada nudge. I hope you all remain beacons of kindness relative to most other people. The liberty-taking you describe isn't familiar to me. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of liberties? "Supplementing kindness with gratitude for the ordinary riches many of us have" is a poetic, actionable, wise advice, I'd say. Well said.
Thank you for asking me about the 'kind of liberties' that are taken. I did'nt elaborate because of the detour from topic that it entails and the potential for lighting up your comments thread, not in a good way. I am refering to what many have been told is a 'culture war' but what the more disagreeble women (like myself) know it to be is a war on women. Gender Ideology is being propagated top down from the highest global institutions-the UN, WHO, WEF...etc European Union to local government arrangements In the majortiy of countries. The result is that womens spaces and language are being displaced by Laws that threaten our status as women -an exclusive group that does not include men. You may have seen women being thumped in the head by men at the recent Olympics or you may have noticed that title 1X in the US is being used to protect boys in girls sports when they self ID as girls....You may know that men in the US and UK are being housed in the women's estate on their say so that they are now women.
There are so many examples of no one being kind to women, no one commenting on womens spaces being taken over by men. meanwhile women are being asked to be kind, to understand, to step aside and to shut up about it.
I won't go on, if you tune in you'll see it. If you want to tune in there is a fantastic women in the US called Kara Dansky who's substack will get you up to date and keep you on track.
The world is very fortunate to have disagreeable women who are fighting back and have been for some time...some of them since the 70s. Many of those women are of the Left but now utterly disenfrancised. We are often refered to as the hard right, bigots or 'transphobic' by the media when these issues arise. You did ask!
As an 80 year old man living in an over 55 community where most of us are 70 to 80 yand about 75% are women, I unfortunately see the kindest of women too often being taken advantage of. And because they are so kind, they rarely push back.
Tom, I'm genuinely dismayed to hear about what seems like a known pattern of older women being taken advantage of. From you and from Winifred, that is.
I suspect most were stay at home wives/moms and always did everything for the family and didn't think about themselves. This kind of continues that way of life. I never knew them before they were widows so just guessing
Tom, thank you for noticing women's kindness, too often it is taken for granted. I think it is because women are inclined (conditioned) to be agreeable without expecting much back. That's why I have learned the wisdom of gratitude; it's the best way to be kind to self.
It’s difficult to feel kindness my heart when it feels like so many around me are morally corrupt, selfish, and would throw me to the wolves in a second. Being kind feels weak, feels like giving up to bullies.
Sounds like you’re not in a very safe space, however you define that space. I just watched “Easy Rider” the 1969 Peter Fonda movie last night. There’s a scene where two hippies (Fonda and Dennis Hopper) and Jack Nicholson’s character walk into a small-town Louisiana diner for a meal, and all the men in the place start making mocking/threatening remarks about them, loud enough to hear, but not to them. I’ve been in that kind of situation a few times in my life, and it conjures what you’re describing. I could be totally off base here, I realize. But in those situations, kindness isn’t possible because it’s not safe. The priority is such scenarios is to remove yourself from the threat or the threatening situation. (Which is what the three movie characters did: they got up and left.)
Kindness is possible, I think, only if one has the security to summon generosity, which feels like a precursor to kindness. Does this resonate with you?
I’m in Canada and I’m in a privileged position financially and otherwise. Can also attest that I do not think my fellow Canadians are bad people. Although there are too many bad ones around.
Maybe my feeling is derived from my general observation of the society. Maybe I’m reading too much social media and news and my view is negatively skewed.
Great analysis, Paul! I’m a Boomer, and perhaps our generation feels the disconnect between what we’re bombarded with these days, and the confidence with which we viewed the future for most of our lives, than other generations do. But along with the amazement at the current state of affairs comes the wisdom of experience, and the practice of assuming the goodness of people. God bless!
Genuinely loved this, even though it is painful to see my countrymen and women become so judgemental and mean spirited. A long while ago someone told me, "If you don't like somebody, it's because you don't know their story." I have mulled that one over for decades now and the older I get the more true it becomes.
That's a sobering analysis. Love your take on it. I honestly don't understand how people are so judgmental of others, or don't see the kindness all around them. I think they just don't know where to look, or maybe their lives don't have a lot of threads. Being the parent of three busy kids, and one with a disability, has helped push me into lots of spaces I wouldn't ordinarily go, I guess. I see kindness everywhere, every day. The hotel cook who welcomes the homeless vet into the dining area and fixes his coffee every morning. The suit-fitter at Men's Warehouse who was so patient with my son and gave him agency to speak for himself. The women in our community who are always ready to cook meals for those who are sick or hurting. Teens who volunteer their time to help kids with disabilities. Everywhere, Everything All at Once. Just look harder.
Vicki, what lovely real-world examples you gave. You seem to be very much out in the world, allowing a large enough group of humans to basically come through for you and your kids (and others). To Lauren's observation below, I think a lot of people, and I suspect especially a lot of younger adults, are relatively limited in their exposure to other IRL humans. I say that as someone who spends many hours a day working alone at home, on a screen. But the more I get out to interact with the world, the more positive I feel. It's as blunt and simple as that.
I totally agree with you Victoria. Getting out in the real world, especially volunteering to help others, you see kindness everywhere. But on social media, the opposite is true.
Lauren, yes. Volunteering is a superdrug for the soul, I think. Not that I'm an expert. As someone who didn't grow up with any real exposure to volunteering and came to it later in life, I now understand why people who have experience volunteering actively seek it out. As much as it helps others to volunteer, it is also hugely helpful to the person volunteering. The more you do it, the more you want to do it.
I almost jumped in after you mentioned Canada then I realised you were Joshing. The problem with kindness, older women have found in recent years, is that people start taking liberties. In light of which I suggest supplementing kindness with gratitude for the ordinary riches many of us have. Formerly, for many years, a cynical grumbler I have seen the light.
Winifred, thanks for understanding about my Canada nudge. I hope you all remain beacons of kindness relative to most other people. The liberty-taking you describe isn't familiar to me. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of liberties? "Supplementing kindness with gratitude for the ordinary riches many of us have" is a poetic, actionable, wise advice, I'd say. Well said.
Correction- women's estate in prisons
Thank you for asking me about the 'kind of liberties' that are taken. I did'nt elaborate because of the detour from topic that it entails and the potential for lighting up your comments thread, not in a good way. I am refering to what many have been told is a 'culture war' but what the more disagreeble women (like myself) know it to be is a war on women. Gender Ideology is being propagated top down from the highest global institutions-the UN, WHO, WEF...etc European Union to local government arrangements In the majortiy of countries. The result is that womens spaces and language are being displaced by Laws that threaten our status as women -an exclusive group that does not include men. You may have seen women being thumped in the head by men at the recent Olympics or you may have noticed that title 1X in the US is being used to protect boys in girls sports when they self ID as girls....You may know that men in the US and UK are being housed in the women's estate on their say so that they are now women.
There are so many examples of no one being kind to women, no one commenting on womens spaces being taken over by men. meanwhile women are being asked to be kind, to understand, to step aside and to shut up about it.
I won't go on, if you tune in you'll see it. If you want to tune in there is a fantastic women in the US called Kara Dansky who's substack will get you up to date and keep you on track.
The world is very fortunate to have disagreeable women who are fighting back and have been for some time...some of them since the 70s. Many of those women are of the Left but now utterly disenfrancised. We are often refered to as the hard right, bigots or 'transphobic' by the media when these issues arise. You did ask!
I appreciate you explaining your thoughts. Certainly a complex, fraught subject.
As an 80 year old man living in an over 55 community where most of us are 70 to 80 yand about 75% are women, I unfortunately see the kindest of women too often being taken advantage of. And because they are so kind, they rarely push back.
Tom, I'm genuinely dismayed to hear about what seems like a known pattern of older women being taken advantage of. From you and from Winifred, that is.
I suspect most were stay at home wives/moms and always did everything for the family and didn't think about themselves. This kind of continues that way of life. I never knew them before they were widows so just guessing
Tom, thank you for noticing women's kindness, too often it is taken for granted. I think it is because women are inclined (conditioned) to be agreeable without expecting much back. That's why I have learned the wisdom of gratitude; it's the best way to be kind to self.
Yes, agree, conditioned response learned over the years as a mom and wife
It’s difficult to feel kindness my heart when it feels like so many around me are morally corrupt, selfish, and would throw me to the wolves in a second. Being kind feels weak, feels like giving up to bullies.
How does one balance these feelings..?
Sounds like you’re not in a very safe space, however you define that space. I just watched “Easy Rider” the 1969 Peter Fonda movie last night. There’s a scene where two hippies (Fonda and Dennis Hopper) and Jack Nicholson’s character walk into a small-town Louisiana diner for a meal, and all the men in the place start making mocking/threatening remarks about them, loud enough to hear, but not to them. I’ve been in that kind of situation a few times in my life, and it conjures what you’re describing. I could be totally off base here, I realize. But in those situations, kindness isn’t possible because it’s not safe. The priority is such scenarios is to remove yourself from the threat or the threatening situation. (Which is what the three movie characters did: they got up and left.)
Kindness is possible, I think, only if one has the security to summon generosity, which feels like a precursor to kindness. Does this resonate with you?
Thank you for your response, Paul!
I’m in Canada and I’m in a privileged position financially and otherwise. Can also attest that I do not think my fellow Canadians are bad people. Although there are too many bad ones around.
Maybe my feeling is derived from my general observation of the society. Maybe I’m reading too much social media and news and my view is negatively skewed.
Need more good news.. 📰
Thank you 🙏
Great analysis, Paul! I’m a Boomer, and perhaps our generation feels the disconnect between what we’re bombarded with these days, and the confidence with which we viewed the future for most of our lives, than other generations do. But along with the amazement at the current state of affairs comes the wisdom of experience, and the practice of assuming the goodness of people. God bless!
Anne, “the practice of assuming the goodness of people.” A powerful habit, indeed.
Genuinely loved this, even though it is painful to see my countrymen and women become so judgemental and mean spirited. A long while ago someone told me, "If you don't like somebody, it's because you don't know their story." I have mulled that one over for decades now and the older I get the more true it becomes.