Roger, I’m glad they are helpful to you. I’ve been thinking about the list since first publishing it and may add to it. But always interested in reader suggestions, too.
Thank you, Paul. I enjoyed your mini-field guide and seeing some references. I’m not an expert, but experienced it myself when my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly in October, 2013. Many of the recommendations you made are ones that I relied upon and firmly believe helped me. I appreciated reading this.
Dr. Stein, likewise I appreciate you sharing your experience so candidly. I can’t imagine how difficult it was and perhaps still is. My list is based partly on research, partly on experience, but as stated in the article, I’m no expert.
One more thing I would like to add. Speaking of my own experience, with the exception of any mental or physical abuse, don’t turn their leaving into a self recrimination of yourself. Most often the other person leaves because of their own history, world view, experiences and it has nothing to do with you in the larger scheme of things. They are responding to the call of their own psyche that feels threatened and they respond in the flight or fight mode. Many of us that have had this kind of loss that you write about, often find after long introspection, that the other leaving had little to do with us and mostly about their own past hurts, fears and failures. The lesson I learned is that if you focus on the hurt you will continue to suffer, if you focus on the lesson you will continue to grow. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
These are wonderful tips.
Roger, I’m glad they are helpful to you. I’ve been thinking about the list since first publishing it and may add to it. But always interested in reader suggestions, too.
Paul, your stuff is always a pleasure to read. Well done, thank you.
Pete, I appreciate that, and you reading, very much. Keep going, as always.
Thank you, Paul. I enjoyed your mini-field guide and seeing some references. I’m not an expert, but experienced it myself when my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly in October, 2013. Many of the recommendations you made are ones that I relied upon and firmly believe helped me. I appreciated reading this.
Dr. Stein, likewise I appreciate you sharing your experience so candidly. I can’t imagine how difficult it was and perhaps still is. My list is based partly on research, partly on experience, but as stated in the article, I’m no expert.
One more thing I would like to add. Speaking of my own experience, with the exception of any mental or physical abuse, don’t turn their leaving into a self recrimination of yourself. Most often the other person leaves because of their own history, world view, experiences and it has nothing to do with you in the larger scheme of things. They are responding to the call of their own psyche that feels threatened and they respond in the flight or fight mode. Many of us that have had this kind of loss that you write about, often find after long introspection, that the other leaving had little to do with us and mostly about their own past hurts, fears and failures. The lesson I learned is that if you focus on the hurt you will continue to suffer, if you focus on the lesson you will continue to grow. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Renee, Wise words. I couldn't agree more.